Most people really don’t know what to do with their friends or family members who are struggling with depression.
Unless it has touched you personally, you probably will not be able to fully understand it. But this quote (in the image) is possibly THE most accurate description of depression I’ve ever read.
Nobody really wants to talk about depression. It’s not happy or delightful or fun or exciting or new or fancy. It’s sucky. And people are uncomfortable with sucky.
If you know someone who seems like they may be depressed, do your very best not to be awkward about it. Please don’t do these things:
• Don’t make them feel like they’ve done something wrong.
• Don’t pretend to understand how they’re feeling if you truly don’t.
• Don’t make them feel guilty. (They already feel guilty enough.)
• Don’t ask unending questions about why they feel the way they do. (Hint: They have no idea. And if they did, they’d fix it ASAP.)
• And whatever you do, PLEASE don’t tell them that all they need to do to cheer up is get more Jesus into their life.
David, the Bible author of dozens of Psalms, struggled with depression.
Charles Spurgeon, the great theologian and pastor, struggled with depression.
David Brainerd, the famous 18th century missionary, struggled with depression.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., the reverend and civil rights advocate of the 1960s (who we honor every year on this date), struggled with depression.
Many “heroes of the faith” struggled with depression, and they also struggled with the stigma surrounding it, which is ongoing to this day.
So if you know someone who is struggling, or if you even suspect they might be, aside from the list of don’ts above, allow me to offer a few suggestions for how you can support them in this season….
• Listen when they want to speak. (But don’t ask them to speak.)
• Invite them to attend things. (But don’t be offended if they say no.)
• Learn about depression rather than jumping to conclusions.
• Offer to help with everyday tasks. (If you’re close enough, like a spouse or a best friend, consider just doing the tasks without asking.)
• Check in often, but don’t simply ask how they are. They likely have good days and bad days, but it is often exhausting to answer the question “How are you?” over and over, especially when the answer is the same. Give them grace if they don’t reply right away…or for weeks.
• Offer to bring a meal over, pickup groceries for them, or do any other task that may be difficult for them. (If you know them well enough to know they would never accept this offer, consider whether it might be helpful to just do that rather than asking.)
• If they have children in their home, offer to come over and watch them for a few hours so they can rest, run errands, get out of the house, etc. (It may be exhausting for them to get their kids out of the house, so if at all possible, offer to come to their house to hang with the kids. Try to give the option, if nothing else.)• Remind them that you care about them and that you are available if they ever want to talk.
• Let them know you are a safe person they can come to who will not cast judgment on them on their hardest days.
I recently got a message from a friend who told me she was worried about me and wanted to check in because my recent social media posts were a little concerning to her. That was a wonderful gesture, and it meant so much to me to know she cared enough to ask.
We need to be observant about these things. We need to check in with people. We need to be as present as possible. We need to offer support over judgment.
And we need to normalize this topic. Especially in a season when depression is running rampant.
Consider how you can help.
Maybe that means sharing this article.
Maybe it means being vulnerable and talking about your own struggle with depression.
Maybe it means doing some research on your own.
Maybe it means checking in with a friend today.
Maybe it means leaving a comment below with other suggestions based on your own experience.
Depression is a real thing with real consequences. Please do what you can to support those who are struggling.
